Spinnning

My head spins and i close my eyes.
This dark blank room i now see is gorgeous compared to what is actually there infront of my squinched eyelids.
Your spit dropletts that spray out while your mouth forms the word that hurts me the most.. "dixlexia".
Authough my eyes are closed, i can stil see you. I can still invision your smirk. That certain smirk that dimples your cheek and flails your eyebrows.
The smirk that you put on when you win.
My weakness is far much more greater then yours. That word taunts me in my own mind as i write each word. i watch the red jagged line form under the millions of spelling errors i make for writing a simple report. When i hear it coming out of anyones... and expecially your mouth, i feel as though a hammer comes smashing to my head.
And I have to hide the pain, only revealing a stiff emotionless fighure on the out... yet I'm screaming in pain on the inside.

I feel so powerless... I feel so stupid.
I act like i dont care, but it kills me.

I wish i could read normally.

Butterflies

For the first time in so long... i actually feel butterflies when i see someone. He's smart, caring, and simple. Is it too soon that i like someone new?